There was once a man who owned a sausage factory, and one day he decided to give his arrogant, well-dressed son a full tour. He hoped the scale of the operation would finally impress him — but the son only smirked at everything he saw.
They eventually reached the center of the factory: a massive hall filled with polished machines, their blades gleaming under bright lights. The father smiled proudly.
“Son,” he said, gesturing toward one of the machines, “this is the heart of the whole operation. We put a pig in at one end… and sausages come out at the other.”
The son rolled his eyes. “That’s fine, Dad. But do you have a machine where you put in a sausage and get a pig back?”
The father paused, then replied dryly,
“Yes. We call it your mother.”
The Salesman
A sales representative once stopped by a small manufacturing plant and handed the manager a complimentary box of cigars.
“No thanks,” the manager said. “I tried a cigar once. Didn’t like it.”
The salesman tried again, offering to take him out for drinks to discuss business.
“No thanks. Tried alcohol once. Didn’t like it.”
Glancing out the window, the salesman spotted a golf course nearby.
“Maybe you play golf? I’d be happy to host you at my club.”
“That’s kind,” the manager replied, “but I played golf once. Didn’t like it.”
Just then, a young man walked into the office.
“Ah,” said the manager, “this is my son, Mike.”
The salesman smiled knowingly. “Let me guess… only child?”
The Custody Argument
An older mountaineer and his much younger ex-wife were battling over custody of their children. The mother insisted that because she brought the children into the world, she deserved to keep them.
The judge turned to the mountaineer and asked for his response.
After a thoughtful pause, the man stood and said,
“Your Honor, if I put a coin into a candy machine and a candy bar comes out — does that candy belong to me… or the machine?”
Sometimes, it seems, the sharpest tools in the room aren’t the machines — but the comebacks.
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